I guess I should tell you a little about my brother...
As I already told you a while ago, he has neuroses since about two years by now. They occur from time to time, mostly when he is "stressed"...
In the past few weeks - approximately since the beginning of this year, it started again. And everytime he "relapses", his behaviour gets more disordered than the last time; He repeats most phrases at least two times, says sorry for trifling things, he even asks my mum if it's ok that he thought this or that...>.<
And then of course, he repeats certain actions like washing his hands five times, switching the light on and off 20 (!) times, ...
However, all this only happens when my brother is at home and when nobody except me or my mum is around.
As soon as we have a visitor here or if my brother's girlfriend is there, he behaves completely normal.
Talking to him about his mental defect does not work. He usually denies that he did a certain thing or just says sorry. He also goes to a psychologist for two years, but that didn't change anything concerning his disorder.
The worst part and the part that bothers me the most is that my mum doesn't really do anything against it. Apart from lunch and the evening when mum is back from work, I am usually the only one who notices his neuroses. His room is next to mine (and whenever my brother is at home, he spends all his time infront of the TV) while mum is at work or downstairs in the kitchen or living-room.
When I tell her about his stupid behaviour, all she does is go to his room and ask him why he did a certain thing five times or whatever... then my brother eather denies it, goes postal (yells around and accuses me or my mum of ganging up on him) or he says sorry and makes the promise to do it never again (which he neglects the next day, of course).
Meanwhile I try to avoid him or and any joint activities with him and my mum as much as possible. Whenever we visit relatives or get visit, I have to pretend that I get along well with my brother in order to save his (and mum's) face. And when I talk about it to my mum and insist on her doing something, she says that she is going to talk to him again - for the thousandth time...
I am really desperate about finding a way to do something against it. In my view, it is irresponsable of my mum not do tackle the problem, but I don't know how to make her do something (and what?) against it. She is always stressed because of work or other things and my brother is completely unreasonable.
Runners
20 hours ago
9 comments:
Those are some very severe problems that your brother seems to have. However, I'm sure they are treatable, or certainly manageable, with the right professional assistance and/or medication.
The psychologist your brother is seeing is obviously not helping one bit, if he has been seeing the person for 2 years and nothing has improved.
He must find a new doctor who can properly diagnose and treat his situation.
I'm sorry your Mom doesn't seem to be able to help out, perhaps she is upset or scared or unable to acknowledge that there is a problem with your brother and that he needs help.
You might try to explain to your Mom in a reasonable manner, when she has a few minutes to sit down. You can't insist, or threaten, or even cajole her into doing something, but you can try explaining to her that you are very concerned, and that you wish that your brother was better. And ASK her for her help in getting your brother some assistance. Don't let your Mom just say "she'll talk to him again" - explain to her that he obviously has a medical situation and needs professional help, and that YOU need HER to help HIM.
Unfortunately, avoiding your brother will not help him either. You might try talking to him calmly and politely, and trying to appeal to him when he seems in a reasonable mood, to tell him you love him and want him to get better, but you see that he needs help. He has to see that for himself, and eventually recognize and admit he has a problem, but you can be there to help support him.
Sorry to hear its such a tough situation. If I can offer other advice I would, don't hesitate to ask.
*hugs*
Lunario
I feel for your brother or anyone who is having a tough time in this life.
I dont know how to help him but it sounds like he does need some help
Dont let this get to you so much and you cant blame your brother if he has a medical issue
People often dont understand that maybe your Bro cant understand whats happening to him
take care and be safe my friend
bob
Your bro definitely need professional help, there's nothing shameful in that. From time to time we all do, one way or another.
My best friend in school had something similar, he went into moments of blackouts in which he was totally out of control... and unaware of it. To him it was potentially dangerous, anything could happen. Eventually he was given help and medication for his issues, and came out alright. No drugged zombie or so.
Good luck! My thoughts are with you guys.
Love
Daniel
Thanks to all of you for your comments.
@Seth:
I also thought about suggesting to my mum that my brother could change the psychologist.
When the issue with my brother comes up the next time (which will be very soon, I guess), I'll ask her what she thinks of it.
"trying to appeal to him when he seems in a reasonable mood"
Mum and I already tried that a few times, but as soon as we brought up the topic, my brother completely changed his mood into the irascible one and refused to go into the topic.
@cvn70 & Daniel:
Well, the point is, my brother already gets help: from the psychologist. So whenever I tell my mum that there needs to be done something, she just refers to his weekly 45-minutes meeting at the psych and thinks that's enough.
You have told us what you have tried, and it doesn't help. There isn't much point in continuing to try unhelpful ways of dealing with it.
This probably isn't something you can cure, and it isn't your responsibility to cure it. Of course it's very annoying, which makes it difficult for you, but it may be something you just have to put up with until you leave for university.
The only real suggestion I have builds on what Seth said. It seems to me that you would do well to have a conversation with your mother in which you point out that her talking to your brother does not really help and that so far the psychologist does not seem to have helped. So the question is whether there is any reason to hope for progress from the current psychologist, or it is time to change psychologists. Sometimes there are breakthroughs; progress is not linear. So the lack of visible progress in his behavior does not necessarily mean nothing is happening in his mind. Two years is not a very long time for psychotherapy. (I was in group therapy for almost four years, and only toward the end did I have real improvement in how I interacted with people.) It could even be that the best that can be hoped for is that he doesn't get worse.
But the only way to get an idea is for your mother to talk to the psychologist. By now he/she certainly should have a very solid diagnosis of your brother's problem(s) and a good idea of how they can be resolved or mitigated. So he/she should be able to tell your mother both of those things and also what progress the he/she sees, if any, and what the prognosis is. If your mother is satisfied that the psychologist knows what he/she is doing and is on the right track with your brother, then she might as well keep sending him to him/her. But if your mother doesn't think the psychologist can do your brother much good, then it's probably time for a change.
One thing I find remarkable is that your brother only acts weird when only you or your mum are around. He can control his behavior in front of others. If your mum talks to the psychologist, she should make sure that he/she knows this.
So talk it over with her.
@naturgesetz:
Thanks a lot for your long comment.
Mum called the psychologist two times - once a year ago and once a few months ago. She (the psych) couldn't tell mum anything about my brother's problems because she simply isn't allowed to because of patient/physician confidentiality (and remember, my brother is almost 20, so he is not a minor anymore).
I'm going to suggest a change of psychologist to my mum, soon.
I had forgotten that he's no longer a minor.
Could your mother maybe have a talk with him about what progress he thinks he's making with the psychologist?
I could suggest that to my mum, but I don't think my brother would tell her anything about that. Once my mum asked him what he thinks of a meeting with the psych together with her and me, which he strongly rejected.
I will ask her, though, and also I'll try to find out what she thinks of a change of psychologist.
Maybe write a detailed letter to the psychologist. Very detailed. What you see, what you hear. What he says. How long he watches TV, what he eats, describe his interactions with you and mom. Note his response or lack thereof when someone speaks to him. As objective as possible. When you describe his moods or emotional state, indicate that, When he does XYZ, etc., it makes me feel like he is blah blah blah. Maybe even keep a journal of what he does for a few days. Carefully note what he is doing before he goes off. Be very precise in describing what he does when he goes off. Like: he waves his arms, cries, yells "whatever he says", breaks things, runs away, stomps his feet, etc.
Is he on any medication? If not, why not? Is it getting worse the last year or 6 months or about the same or better?
Ask her if she can convince him to have the 3 of you meet together if she thinks it might help. She may be mostly clueless about his behavior at home. Patients often play games with therapists.
Tell her you know she can't reply but you want her to have the information.
Mail the letter special delivery and she has to sign for it. That's what we call it here, any way. That will get her attention and demonstrate your concern.
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